We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
