I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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