Sponge bath it is.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
