I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
