i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
