gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You've changed since you got that strap on
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
