my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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