dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
