i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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