I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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