Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
