fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
