thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
