So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
