Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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