ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
