Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
