Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
