The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hippo gnu deer
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
