I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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