I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
