You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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