I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
