why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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