We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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