i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
