I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
