Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
