I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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