dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize