yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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