You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i out mim tonsoeep
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
