You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
