I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
