**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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