It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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