she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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