god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
