Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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