I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
