You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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