Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
