I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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