i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
