I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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