I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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