We named our party play list daddy issues
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
