Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
