You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
