It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
