How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize