u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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