right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
