How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
