It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize