So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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