You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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