we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize