We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
