shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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