Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
