Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
