Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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