the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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