Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
