I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
