Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize