By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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