no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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