I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I smell like Dick and happiness
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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