i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
