i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
