I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
