I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
A bitchslap is in order.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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