what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
