im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
