VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
