I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
