Best friends brother. Beat that.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
