Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
soo... how was my night?
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