I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
