I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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