I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
