i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
