You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
