Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
