Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
