Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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