lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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