all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I stole a fireplace last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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