He is an equal opportunity slut.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That accounts for only three of the penises
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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