the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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