Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Randomize
