I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
