I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize