the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
