If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
