plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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