Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
