I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm too high and old for this...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
