I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
