Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
