I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize