glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
