Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
