Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
