Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
