He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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