Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
