how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
