I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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