You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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